


Between Shadows and Firelight

by Illegible_Scribble



Series: 31 Days of Frodo/Sam, 2018 [26]
Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Comfort, Concerns & Reassurances, Cuddles, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mid-Quest, Rivendell, Smoochtober 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-08 00:24:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16418906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illegible_Scribble/pseuds/Illegible_Scribble
Summary: The evening after the Council of Elrond, Frodo expresses his concern at Sam insisting on accompanying him on the Quest, and in turn, Sam does what he can to ease Frodo's worries.





	Between Shadows and Firelight

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this prompt](https://www.pillowfort.io/posts/132744) for Smoochtober 2018, #26: Kiss on the Knee.

Perhaps it would've been a cheerful fire, if the shadows it warded off did not feel so suspect and oppressive – as if they might take form at a moment's notice, and extend a long and shifting claw out to grasp them. Their thoughts were too overcome with other stresses to fear the darkness – or what might have been inside it – but there was a reason they sat still before the roaring hearth, as opposed to trying to sleep.

They'd been there for perhaps an hour, now, Frodo seated in an armchair meant for an Elf more than a Hobbit, while Sam was on the floor by his knee, much as he had been at the Council that day.

There had been a good deal of talking through every waking moment, it felt, but as Frodo stared blankly into the dancing flames, he realized few words of import had been willing to remain in his head. What sensible thought would remain, when the terror of knowing he had _willingly_ accepted the burden of the Ring – to its ultimate destruction – rampaged through his mind?

Lesser thoughts rooted in emotion more than sense had managed to make a small fortress against that frightening beast; primarily, his sorrow for everyone in Rivendell, but his friends, most of all. Having now accepted this burden, he was afraid – well, terrified, truly – to attempt it alone, but simultaneously, horribly frightened, of any of his friends coming to harm if they came with him.

For example, Pippin was not even yet of age, and still seemed almost eager to throw his life away for something he need not have any part in. Frodo appreciated the loyal spirit both he and Merry showed, yet to him it was a double-edged blade that scored his heart many ways. Guilt seeped from the wounds as he wondered whatever he'd done to deserve such devotion, and to what ruin his kin would come if they followed him – for, as he'd predicted (what felt to be) long ago, back still in his beloved Bag End, this was not Bilbo's sort of Quest. He went not to find a treasure, but lose one, and not to return back again – not he, nor any that went with him.

He wished only he were sworn to this fate – the mere thought of his cousins insisting to follow him made him ill – but that was far from all. Looking down, the same sword that gladdened his heart for the strength of its loyalty, and cut him to know he was unworthy of it, pierced his heart again. Dear Sam, without a moment's thought, had insisted he would follow Frodo, to whatever end.

He loved Sam in more ways than he could quite explain, and it rent his heart that he would likely be Sam's doom. He had done his best earlier in the day to dissuade Sam from going with him, only to meet the renowned Gamgee stubbornness that had once only endeared him, but now served also to frighten him. Because he knew – as his own mind could not be changed, about the Quest – neither could Sam's.

“I don't know whatever will become of us,” he said into the room, finding his hand idly falling to stroke Sam's hair, “I'm sorry.” Merry had already gotten after him for saying that too many times today. Without thinking, Frodo had then said it again in reply, explaining his distress that it felt compulsory, for all the trouble he was bringing down on the heads of those he loved.

Sam leaned against his knee, and Frodo heard him sigh lengthily through his nose. “T'ain't your fault. Gonna have to be someone to take it, and... well, you stepped up 'cause no one else was gonna.”

“I'm still sorry you've found yourself entangled in all of this, as well.”

Sam made a noise between an annoyed huff and a chuckle. “Ain't as though I didn't ask for it, eavesdropping on you and Gandalf, then spying so for Mister Merry and Mister Pippin. Aye, it weren't what I was expecting, when Mister Bilbo first disappeared in a flash at the Birthday, but... here we are, all the same. Not much we can do about it all, now.”

It was supposedly insanity to attempt the same thing over and over, while expecting (or at the least, hoping for) a different result, but nevertheless Frodo felt the most frequent impulse of the day seize him again. “You don't have to come.”

For the first time since they'd retired to their room, and settled here at the fire, Sam looked up at him, resting his chin on Frodo's knee. In the contrast of the dark and firelight, his eyes looked as infinite as space, endlessly deep and full of uncountable stars. “Nay, I don't have to. But I want to.”

“You can't possibly _want_ to.” Frodo's voice cracked. He felt two opposing ways: assured beyond almost all doubt no creature of their right mind would desire to come with him; and also, frenzied in hope that someone _would_ , so he could finally put his mind to rest that he really would not be alone, nor be himself bringing doom upon someone he loved.

Sam sighed, sounding weary, and rested his forehead on Frodo's knee, before placing a gentle kiss against it. “I been doing a lot of promising, for one,” he said, wrapping an arm around Frodo's foreleg in a partial hug, “to me Gaffer, Gandalf, Mister Merry and Pippin, and then just today the Lord Elrond. T'is true, I could go breaking all of 'em, but I like saying what I mean when I say it.” He glanced up at Frodo to stop him, when he heard Frodo take a breath to speak. “I don't go breaking promises, even if they'll break me back, in the end – you know that.

“But even if I hadn't gone and made all them promises, you know, I'd still be following you, if I could.” The tears gathering on Frodo's lashes glittered like diamonds in the ever-shifting firelight. “'Cause you mean the world to me, if I may say. I won't say I ain't scared of where we're going or what we'll be doing, but I sure won't be leaving you to face it all on your own.” He shifted around to the front of Frodo's knees, and placed a hand to cover one of Frodo's on the armrest. “And _that_ ain't for promises, or some lordly honor.

“T'is only 'cause I love you, and it would do me awful grief if you was to bear the whole world on just your shoulders alone, and couldn't have help from no one. Mayhap I'll only carry an extra pack, or take a stray arrow, but iffin it helps you, it'll be worth it.” Frodo had allowed Sam to take his hand between his own, and turn it over to place a kiss on the palm. “I couldn't bear seeing you suffering alone, 'cause your heart makes up at least half of mine. For giving me something so fair, least I can do is help bear you up 'neath your burden.”

“Oh, Sam,” said Frodo softly, his cheeks shining from tears, “my dearest Sam.” He had never quite known a hug to be desperate or plainly needy, before this, as he leaned down to gather Sam in his arms and hold him tight. He could say if at this moment he adored Sam more than he ever had – even if he could speak a decision on that matter, no words came to him to convey truly his adoration, no matter its comparative level. He felt his heart swell near to bursting for the hobbit he held in his arms, and though he feared still so terribly for Sam – for them both, truly – no matter the means in which he'd earned it, he still felt awed to know such love from someone so brilliant and kind.

Their hug shifted as Sam was pulled up beside Frodo on the large chair, and they held one another tight against the shadows around them. “I will do what I can to keep you safe,” said Frodo, realizing at last there was no dissuading Sam from the Quest.

“Only so long as I get to do the same for you,” Sam replied, resting his chin atop Frodo's head, and squeezing him gently, “t'is all a two-way lane, you know. No sacrificing one for the other; I wouldn't be able to stand it. We're together, like.”

“I wouldn't be able to stand it, either,” Frodo murmured, and then a bit later, “And yes, together. Only, I don't know if we shall go there and back again.”

Sam sighed, and Frodo knew he had struggled with the same thought throughout the day, even more so after they'd spoken with Bilbo. “Mayhap, mayhap not. And- anyway, there is a phrase about sommat like that, ain't there? About a journey being about the getting there, not the 'there', as it were.”

Frodo managed a weak laugh. “Yes, there is; I note they never seem to mention what comes after, however.” he sobered what little lightheartedness he had found. “But I think this Quest will be all about the 'there', in the end.” his voice faded to nearly a whisper, and the Ring felt heavy around his neck. “We go to a Destination for a Purpose, not on an Adventure.” He reflected on bittersweet memories of all the times he had dreamed of going into the Wild as Bilbo once had, and the knowledge that now he was here, he would give nearly anything to be home safe in the Shire again.

They entered a thoughtful silence, only disturbed by the crackling of the fire. “Well, _someone_ did go and make that old saying, aye?”

“Aye...”

“Then, stands to reason someone else could go changing it later, or make a new one?”

“Yes, I suppose.”

Sam nodded pleasantly – or, at least as much as he could, for the unease in his heart, “Then we'll go making a new one. That a journey can be about the Destination, and there can be an After, too. We'll have a nice After, you'll see – like in Mister Bilbo's book. A Happily Ever sort of one, though I'm not knowing where we'll live, then.”

“Crickhollow, I hope, if Lotho's not had it excavated on the grounds I've hidden some of Bag End's property in it, or some other ridiculous thing.” he sighed, cuddling closer to Sam, carefully allowing himself to wade into the thought they might come back. “Would- would you stay with me, in Crickhollow? It's no Bag End, but...”

“Of course,” Sam kissed the top of his head, “iffin I'm willing to go all the way to Mordor with you, there ain't no reason I'd not set up and keep house with you. If I may say, even, I might be offended if you didn't go inviting me to stay.”

A more sincere laugh echoed through the room. “Consider yourself invited, then; for as long as you like. … Thank you. I... I don't know what I would do without you, Sam.”

To Frodo's relief, Sam did not say something humble to the point of excess. “I'm thinking you'd have a lot less hugs n' kisses, for one.”

“Yes, and I certainly couldn't do without those.” Underlining his point, Frodo raised his head, first rubbing cheeks with Sam before sharing a soft kiss. It did not all together undo his fears for what would be asked of them in the coming months, but it did bring comfort to his heart. He was afraid, still, but could accept what circumstances he knew he couldn't change – and he was very glad Sam would be with him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They stayed on the seat for some minutes longer, voices dropping to soft murmurs as they gathered their hands together, speaking in turns of their love, and what was likely to happen on the morrow.

The fire dwindled to embers by the time they settled into bed, pressing as near to one another as they might, the pressure of the darkness around them creeping up again. Frodo took what solace he could that, in the end, he would not be alone – Gandalf perhaps would go with him, and maybe others of the Wise – but most important to him was Sam. “I love you,” he whispered again into the night, before he fell asleep.


End file.
